my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
