Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
