he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Use "feeling words"
Yay
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
