In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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