either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
