i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just gargled with NyQuil
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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