I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
