i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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