Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
