I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
