Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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