You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
