What a fucking waste of an outfit
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
