I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'm passing your future prison.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
