I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You pole danced in your parka.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
