I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
nutella sex= disaster
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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