I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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