My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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