Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
