Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Vodka?
Forever.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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