It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Randomize
