I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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