honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
