This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
