You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
