ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
