sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
