we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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