We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
