I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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