Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Dick very happy bro
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
