No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
