Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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