Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
