honey bunches of taint.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
