God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
