Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
