It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I can't turn off my feet"
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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