until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
organizing the empties. That sober.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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