i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
