I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
