Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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