When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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