I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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