remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
