Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
