On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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