Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
