are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
