i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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