Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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