You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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