Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
