He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
