remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
