sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
