My hand turned me down
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
