Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
