I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
