I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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