You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
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There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
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It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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