I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
