i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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