You're completely useless in the revolution.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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