do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
