Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
