twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
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But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
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I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought