Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
25 Adults Reveal The Most Embarrassing Stories From When They Were Kids
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"