yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
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Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
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btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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