Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(907): View more from Alaska

is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?

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(408): View more from California

there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace

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(773): View more from Illinois

Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.

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If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
Read it at the TFLN blog
(207): View more from Maine

I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does

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(714): View more from California

I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA

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(802): View more from Vermont

shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.

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(251): View more from Alabama

I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever

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(248): View more from Michigan

Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me

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