we're blogging at a bar
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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