piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself