i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
