I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
