Jerry, you need to find god
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Dicks are not precious.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
