hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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