Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
